User:Zgm20

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I am Ziggy Mackey. I come from Cambridge - originally from Farnborough, London. This is not meant to be a blog but I hope lessons can be learned from this.

My LiveJournal ... that is my blog


I have small-cell Esophageal_cancer - a type of Cancer. The lymph nodes are affected and thus it has spread.

Endoscopy and radial endoscopic ultrasound images of submucosal tumour in mid-esophagus.
Endoscopy and radial endoscopic ultrasound images of submucosal tumour in mid-esophagus.

I have been fighting it over the past year or so and more recently with the love of a wonderful person who I hurt so badly [1].

My prognosis was 2-3 years and there were signs of that being elongated with this person and the positive energy she was helping me achieve. I was in remission but now seem to have come out with the 'shock' of recent events. I was to have a Esophagectomy but that was counted out as my Lymph system has been effected. I had been having a combination of Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy which had started to shrink the tumors but as my lymph system was becoming affected the spread had to be evaluated first.

I chose to be treated as an out-patient in the hope that it could be cured sooner and that my family did not have to find out, but that was (in hindsight) a bad thing to do because it has worsened and I can do nothing about it on any health scheme.



My father has recently been diagnosed with Acute_myeloid_leukemia - a form of degenerative Cancer going on to form full blown (and fast acting) Leukemia

Like my father, it is hard 'wrapping things up' and in my case saying goodbye to the children that I only recently have had a chance to see as mine again is hard especially as they were going to be such a big part of my new lease on life.

The mother of Z and L was going through an identity crisis of her own and out of it came a friendship she did not know how to end. I took over that friendship when she had a heart attack with the stresses only I kept it going without telling the truth (ironically in case it hurt her). I had found a soul-mate and ended up abusing her trust, something that is not me and I never thought I could have done.

A few years ago I lost an 18 month old girl ("Charley") to Cot_death. Soon after that I discovered my cancer. I wondered what I had done to offend the gods. I need (needed) help and was too proud to accept it at the time. Perhaps it was a form of karma getting revenge for what I have done recently.



Cancer, and my Lying to a wonderful lady, means I have lost EVERYTHING ... including my life. The worse thing is misleading someone so special - and the family - and dying in disgrace.

If this tugs at heart strings then good ... be honest, be true and most of all be you.

My sandbox


[edit] References

  1. ^ The lady I love and hurt so very very has family in Essex, York and Wales. I pray that if she reads she knows she is loved by so many (especially me) and has so much to offer the world in her kindness, love from her heart and soul.